Other states are trying to abolish the death penalty... mine's putting in an express lane.

Author: Ron White

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I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.

The next time you have a thought... let it go.

The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off.

I do live like a rock star but it's not as great as it sounds. It's a lot of traveling.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.

Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.