Frank Zappa

Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.

Remember there's a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something, we'd all love one another.

Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork and the other is nostalgia.

Music in performance is a type of sculpture. The air in the performance is sculpted into something.

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say ,so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

Without deviation progress is not possible.

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

No change in musical style will survive unless it is accompanied by a change in clothing style. Rock is to dress up to.

Music is always a commentary on society.

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons but at the very least you need a beer.

I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.

One of my favorite philosophical tenets is that people will agree with you only if they already agree with you. You do not change people's minds.

Everybody believes in something and everybody by virtue of the fact that they believe in something uses that something to support their own existence.

Some scientists claim that hydrogen because it is so plentiful is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen and that is the basic building block of the universe.

Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

Without music to decorate it time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design but what's missing is the eyebrows.

I searched for years I found no love. I'm sure that love will never be a product of plasticity.

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.