The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she's shopping.

Author: Joan Rivers

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Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery today is God's gift that's why we call it the present.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.

It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.

Never floss with a stranger.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle.

Every girl who has dated a football player, they all have sex the same way.