Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting h

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Author: George Burns

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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up, and finally you forget to pull it down.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history.

Love is when two people know everything about each other and are still friends.

I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

People don’t take trips, trips take people.