Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

The last thing I'd learn well into my career was how to get on how to say hello how to get in with the audience.

Words and pictures are yin and yang. Married, they produce a progeny more interesting than either parent.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won't be too bad.