Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Ada Driver (July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012), better known as Phyllis Diller, was an American actress and stand-up comedienne, best known for her eccentric stage persona, her self-deprecating humor, her wild hair and clothes, and her exaggerated, cackling laugh.

Enjoy the best Phyllis Diller picture quotes.

Read more about Phyllis Diller on Wikipedia.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

The last thing I'd learn well into my career was how to get on how to say hello how to get in with the audience.

I asked the waiter 'Is this milk fresh?' He said 'Lady three hours ago it was grass.'

Housework can't kill you but why take a chance?

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep or I'd be rotten to the core.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?

I wanted to become me totally me. The more me the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument a bank has just been robbed.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Whatever you may look like marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades so will his eyesight.

Aim high and you won't shoot your foot off.

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.

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