Whatever you may look like marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades so will his eyesight.

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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.

Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Beauty is a pair of shoes that makes you wanna die.

Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain.

Someday you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.

It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete till it is expressed.