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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Explore More Quotes by Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song, no matter how bad they are.
Always be nice to your children, because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
I admit I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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For the born traveller, travelling is a besetting vice. Like other vices, it is imperious, demanding its victim’s time, money, energy and the sacrifice of comfort.
When you are missing someone, time seems to move slower, and when I’m falling in love with someone, time seems to be moving faster.
The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation, which depend upon the future. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty.
We are living in a culture entirely hypnotized by the illusion of time, in which the so-called present moment is felt as nothing but an infinitesimal hairline between an all-powerfully causative past and an absorbingly important future.
