My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.

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Explore More Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

What a dog I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

What a dog, I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'll never see each other!

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