With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'

With me nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have sex every night. Now we'll never see each other!

Author: Rodney Dangerfield

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Life is just a bowl of pits.

What a dog, I got his favorite bone is in my arm.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

Marry or not? Whichever you do, you will repent it.

Copulation is no more foul to me than death is.

The natural thing, my lord, men and women joined.

To have her here in bed with me, breathing on me, her hair in my mouth - I count that something of a miracle.