I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Author: Steven Wright

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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?

Bizarre travel plans are dancing lessons from God.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

God intends to give us what we need, not what we now think we want.

You may forget that you are at every moment totally dependent on God.