Steven Wright
Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical, and sometimes nonsense jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.
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I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.
Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.
If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting Slinkies on the escalator.
I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.
Whenever I think of the past it brings back so many memories.
