Kin Hubbard

Don't knock the weather, nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative, when they are only stupid.

If there's anything a public servant hates to do, it's something for the public.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.

I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it and that's more than I can say for prosperity.

Of all the home remedies a good wife is best.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

There are two ways to handle a woman and nobody knows either of them.

It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness, poverty and wealth have both failed.

Fun is like life insurance, the older you get the more it costs.

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

All the world loves a good loser.

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one.

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

It's the good loser who finally loses out.

It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you.

The world gets better every day - then worse again in the evening.

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness, poverty and wealth have both failed.

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.

I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.

It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed but today he goes in the advertising game.

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Peace has its victories no less than war but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.

Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely.

Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path give them then the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire and their foreheads and their sides and their backs shall be branded therewith.

A loafer always has the correct time.

When a fellow says "It ain't the money but the principle of the thing " it's the money.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

If some people didn't tell you you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us.

There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

Honesty pays but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people.

Men are not punished for their sins but by them.

Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause.

Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.

It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it.

There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?

After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.

No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech.

Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.

A bee is never as busy as it seems, it's just that it can't buzz any slower.

It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about.