Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

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Happiness is an inside job.

Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.

God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say "thank you?"

Humanity either makes or breeds or tolerates all its afflictions.

I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.