I was sleeping the other night alone thanks to the exterminator.

Author: Emo Philips

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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky but there's never any gum under any of them.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

My heart never knew loneliness until you went away.

True forgiveness is when you can say, “Thank you for that experience.”

With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice.

Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.