Josh Billings

Josh Billings

Josh Billings was the pen name of 19th-century American humorist Henry Wheeler Shaw (April 21, 1818 – October 14, 1885). He was a famous humor writer and lecturer in the United States, perhaps second only to Mark Twain, during the latter half of the 19th century.

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There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared: twins.

Life is short but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.

Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself.

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while.

Don't ever prophesy, for if you prophesy wrong nobody will forget it, and if you prophesy right nobody will remember it.

Man was created a little lower than the angels, and has been getting a little lower ever since.

About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment.

Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail.

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt not swallowed.

A puppy plays with every pup he meets, but an old dog has few associates.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

Love is said to be blind but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself.

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries but wisdom is everywhere wide awake on tiptoe.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

If there was no faith there would be no living in this world. We could not even eat hash with any safety.

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