Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx

Julius Henry Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977), known professionally as Groucho Marx, was an American writer, comedian, stage, film and television star. He was known as a master of quick wit and is widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era. His distinctive appearance, carried over from his days in vaudeville, included quirks such as an exaggerated stooped posture, glasses, cigar, and a thick greasepaint mustache and eyebrows. 

Enjoy the best Groucho Marx picture quotes.

Read more about Groucho Marx on Wikipedia.

Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on I go to the library and read a good book.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

I intend to live forever or die trying.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day today and I'm going to be happy in it.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that you've got it made.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

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